Posts Tagged ‘grief’

A Piece of my Heart

On facebook this morning, one of my “friends” made a slanderous comment about the death of Michael Jackson and all morning long, I envisioned myself telling her off on her facebook page, on her blog or by private email. Now granted, this person is not really a friend but someone I know through my old blog but for some reason, her words cut me like a knife. After stewing on it while getting ready for work, I decided to delete her as my “friend”. Even still, I couldn’t figure out why it felt like her jab at Michael Jackson was a jab at my heart. The death of the “King of Pop” was weighing heavy my mind and I felt like a piece of my soul was missing. The reason dawned on me as I was listening to a tribute to him and his music on the radio

Micheal Jackson was, in fact, a piece of my heart. You see, I don’t have many memories of being a child and the ones I do have are typically bad and only remind me of how I was abused. As I look back, I only have one memory of my dad that doesn’t include abuse and it is about Michael Jackson. It was 1982, his album “Thriller” was on store shelves and the Redskins were playing in the SuperBowl. In my little eight year old heart, it would  mean the world to me to own the album and I had spotted it on sale at K-Mart for $10. I suppose I must have begged and begged for the album until finally my dad made a deal with me. If I would go outside during the SuperBowl and yell “Go Redskins” he would buy me the album. I don’t really remember doing the yelling part or if my dad held up his end of the bargain but I still feel like a piece of all that was precious of being a kid is gone. Sure, Michael Jackson was odd to say the least but he owned a piece of my heart that I will never get back.

At first, I thought it was silly for me to feel like I needed to grieve over a man that I did not know but I now realize that what I really need is to grieve over my lost childhood. Those are years that I will never get back and have molded me into who I am today. It was not pleasant and I have done my best to rise above it and and not let the vicious cycle of abuse continue. And even now that my one fond memory is tainted, I will carry on and forge ahead. Michael Jackson will forever sing in my heart.

Rest in Peace, Michael Jackson.