My Story

My first memory from childhood is of my father forcing me to eat beans and rice smothered in black pepper. We were very poor and food was scarce. None the less, I didn’t like the way the beans and rice tasted so I tried to “doctor them up”, as my  mom would say. Well, a whole shaker full of black pepper isn’ really the best route for this. I’m not sure why he made me eat them but he did and I will never forget it.

Since then, I have struggled with food and binge eating disorder. As a young girl, I hid cake frosting in my room and indulged in my first binges. My father was an abusive alcoholic and my mother was the doting wife; food was my way of escaping it all. As the years past, I dabbled in other ways of coping like drinking, promiscuous sex and drugs. I found my way back to food in my mid twenties and since then, have been struggling with my weight.

At my highest weight, I was 220lbs. At the time, fast food and Ben and Jerry’s were my best friends. I was married to my first husband and our relationship was terrible. I married him out of spite towards my parents; he was a drug addict loser. The marriage was miserable and I drowned my sorrows in snickers bars and chicken wings. When we finally separated, I realized that I had “let myself go”.  My size 24 pants were on the verge of being too small and my love affair with dieting began.

Through the years, I tried them all. Diets, pills, you name it, I tried it. Though I hesitate to call it sucess, I was most succesful at the Weight Watchers Core Program. Through learning to eat healthy, I made my way down to 143lbs. I was running about 25 to 30 miles per week and was in the best shape of my life. I met the love of my life (my DH) and right around the same time accidently stumbled upon the concept of intuitive eating. My life was stable, I was in love and I felt like it was time to do it on my own. I was over dieting.

One of the first concepts of the intuitive eating book was to stop using food as a coping skill and to get to the bottom of the real issues. Until then, I was blissfully unaware that I had issues. Sure, I knew  I was abused as a child, that I had I lost my brother in a terrible car accident and I had made a number of mistakes. I just never realized I was stuffing all of them down with food. It was suggested by a friend that I keep a food mood journal and I realized that is when I realized I was an emotional eater. But instead of getting better, things got worse. I started therapy and I began to binge more than I ever had. All of that baggage was literally weighing me down. I binged most days all under the cloak of learning to eat intuitively. I was getting in touch with the reasons I ate but I didn’t stop eating.

In January of this year, I was 40lbs heavier and had a breakthrough moment in therapy. My therapist recommended that I join an eating disorders therapy group and my life changed. For a few months, I was hyper focused on my “stuff”. I started seeing an RD, changed therapists and started learning new coping skills. When the group ended, I felt like a new person. I had a fresh new outlook and I was ready to take on the world.  I still battle with disordered thoughts but have been trying my best to not give in to them. I have started running again and really want to make this the time in my life that I tackle the weight in a healthy and happy way. I’m not sure where I’m headed but I’d like for you to come along for the ride.


5 responses to this post.

  1. Hi Christie!

    I found your blog through Escape from Obesity. I am looking forward to reading more about you.

    Best wishes, Katie J


  2. Posted by Jenna on June 19, 2009 at 11:28 am

    Hey There!
    I found your blog through wordpress! I’ve linked you so I can follow your journey! Best of Luck!


  3. Posted by MelanieF on June 19, 2009 at 11:45 pm

    I don’t know why, but your story reads like a book. I mean that in a wonderful way. I am amazed by your writing. 🙂


  4. Posted by Trumekia on June 21, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    I have read your story and some things are clearer. I was with you in some of the bad times and some of the celebrations. Regardless of the time that we have missed I am commited in working together to achieve this goal together.

    I will always love you,


  5. This is amazing!! You can definitely do this: I’ve lost over 100 pounds!! I’ve also been through various eating habits/disorders and have always battled “emotional eating”.

    Congrats on your new journey. Each day is a fresh start!!



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