This Time

Today is my “official” WI day and it wasn’t good; I gained. I know all of the morale boosting sayings about water weight and fluctuations but I can’t help but pin it down to the binge from Sunday. And of course, my mind takes me right back to dieting. Should I do weight watchers or should I count calories? The really sick part of that is the weight I was this morning is actually higher than when I officially joined weight watchers three weeks ago. So if dieting leads to binging and binging leads to weight gain, why do I keep wanting to go back?

I make all of these empty promises to myself about “this time”. What is this time, really? Isn’t it all just living our lives and chasing that dream of happiness? It is times like these that the voice of my RD floats around in my head. She told me to just “live out loud”; do what I want and don’t wait for thinness to pursue life. She is right, I only get this one shot and I feel like I am wasting it on these struggles. In the end, I know all of this is to teach me something. And I even think I know what that is. Live it while you can. I know first hand from my brothers passing that there are no guarantees. Tomorrow may not happen so why bother fighting with yesterday and today. Why not just live it up?

I want to be able to take on the world without fear of calories, pounds, long workouts, short workouts. I want to eat because I am hungry and exercise because it relieves stress and depression. I want to talk to my friends about things other than the latest diet and how my next five pounds are coming off. I want to take advantage of the time I spent in therapy and with my RD and really let those lessons sink in. I want to write, bead, practice yoga and run. So what would happen if I focused my energy there instead of on the scale? I have covered up the voice of my spirit for so long with the voice of my next diet that I haven’t been able to really listen to the things that make my heart sing.

And really, don’t we all just want our hearts to sing?

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Kellie on June 23, 2009 at 12:47 pm

    Christie,
    You have hit the nail on the head! That is why I quit going back to WW…. not because it doesn’t work, but because it doesn’t work for me…. All of the focus is on the food…. and life is not about the food… it is about so many other things…
    Keep pursuing your life and let the food fall back to it’s normal place (I know this is easier said than done… I am so with you!) Do what is good for your heart, soul, mind and body…
    I think (only my OPINION)that you shouldn’t focus on weight loss…. focus on healthy. You are apparently a very fabulous, talented lady with lots to offer and you need to give yourself CREDIT for that.

    Reply

  2. what a beautiful post 🙂

    This is it: “I want to write, bead, practice yoga and run. So what would happen if I focused my energy there instead of on the scale? I have covered up the voice of my spirit for so long with the voice of my next diet that I haven’t been able to really listen to the things that make my heart sing.”

    Food is such a huge part of our lives since we have to eat to live and so many things revolve around food (parties, family functions, etc), but life IS so much more than that! Yes, food should be enjoyed since it is a part of lives, but it shouldn’t be everything. It’s so hard to get away from that thinking once you have done any kind of diet/program since that’s where your focus goes.

    I’ve been trying to do more things for ME every day, even if they’re small, to make each day better.

    Reply

  3. Oh Christie,

    I love this. I’ve come to this conclusion, but you have said it much more eloquently than I did. Life is too short to not be happy and embrace each day as ours to do with what we will.

    Who wants to obsess about every calorie and what not when we could be doing so much more.

    I;m not advocating a free for all buffet, but you know this. Balance in all things is where the truth lies. I believe that more and more every day.

    thanks for sharing this journey with me.

    Reply

  4. Christie, you are quite right. You should focus on the things that really matter. Staying healthy matters, but that is not the same as watching the scales. Focus on living healthy in terms of what you eat and what you do, and don’t worry about whether or not you can measure the results. They will be there.

    Reply

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